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I Can't Let You Go Son.. I Never Will

This is from my side of story. A 'burden' of feelings that is kept in the heart, left only scars that could be seen until the day I die.

Son, you have a father. A father you call 'PAPA' that loves you. I know he does. I am sorry for separating you from him. It is not my intention, but it's for our own good. I know it's hard at first, but as long as we're together.. everything is possible. I could not leave you with him, because you're the most precious baby that I ever had. The moment I held you in my arms, I promise to my self I will take good care of you and protect you from everything, with my very best.

Although at certain times I feel I neglected you.. I am sorry son. I know I am not a perfect mother, but no one can be your mother except me that's for sure.

After so long, now he wants to bring you to his hometown. Five days is so long son. Even though I said yes, but my heart don't. I tried to think it will be alright, told my self it will be just fine.. but it does not help. My heart still say NO! Because I love you too much. Too much that I can go insane if I lose you son.. I Can't Let You Go Son.. I Never Will.

And this is for you.. my small man's 'PAPA'. I know you won't be reading this, but who cares.

I know he is your son. He is your responsibility, BUT.. please take a look at what actually you have done to ensure you're responsible enough to be a father to him? Don't ever mention your responsibility only to take him out, buy him food and clothes when you only did that two or three times a year? What about his education? About his needs? His savings? His 'nafkah'? Oh there are so much more if I want to type here. I know you have so much to say to me, because to you.. you're always right and always feel that I am not being kind to you. Please remember this, the scars are still there.

Falling out of love is hard
Falling for betrayal is worst
Broken trust and broken hearts

Thinking all you need is there
Building faith on love and words
Empty promises will wear
I know

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