Thursday, 27 February 2014

Why I Want to Quit

To date I am thankful I have a job with good paycheck. I am not in a higher position in the company, only a consultant. I have been working for almost 15 years now. I have experienced the graveyard shift and it was tiring, and now with normal hours 9-5 also tiring. Back at home, my children needs the attention when all mommy want is her bed.

We, both me and Mr. Fruitheart had this discussion several times. I told him I want to quit. He asked me to think twice and said that how we are going to survive with only one income. Now with all the increased in cost of living he needs to ensure we do not struggle if I quit.

At last, earlier this year he gave his blessings for me to quit. There are terms and conditions though: 0 amount in credit card, spend within budget and emergency savings for at least 6 months. We had started it last month and tried to spend with single income. We really need to test this before I tender my resignation in December. (Bonus month!) Hehe. I would say this a big project for us and one year preparation.

The main reason I want to quit is because of my two girls. I want to be at home with them. Recently, I sent the helper back because she was incompetent. These days, it is difficult to find a good and affordable child care too. I'm not thinking sending my girls to nursery even though they are registered.. afraid something bad will happen to them. Bad things can happen anywhere I know, even at home. But no, I do not want to risk my children's life in some other people hands.

The biggest challenge is not having enough time with my children. Not forgetting raising a child is expensive these days too.

A job will always be there, but children grow up in the blink of an eye. It's those little moments that I want to be part of and I would really love enjoying my time with my children. I also want to be the one shaping their morals and values.

Honestly, I don't have any future plans. I may apply for a home job online or start my own business. At the moment, my priority is raising my children.

We are not only have to decide if this is what we really wanted to do, but more to if we can really do it. We have to be really careful in our spending and always plan ahead. In other words, we have to deal with our own fears of not being good enough or structured enough.

P/S: May Allah smooth our journey this year.

Favourite Poem of The Week #9 - Xbox

I was reading poem on the internet when I came across this funny poem about Xbox. Kiddo had asked for an Xbox since last year. And on last weekend when he went for a movie with Mr. Fruitheart they looked for an Xbox. However, he didn't get it because of the issue with pirated CDs, locked console issue and so on. The hassle Mr. Fruitheart trying to avoid.

Xbox, Xbox,
you're the one for me.
I also love my 3DS
and my Nintendo Wii.

GameCube, GameBoy,
Apple iPod Touch.
I never thought that I would ever
be in love this much.

Pac-Man, Sonic,
Mario, and Link.
Your names are etched inside my mind
in everlasting ink.

Run, jump, flip, hang,
double-jump, and climb.
That's all I want to do
with every second of my time.

This is true love.
Yes, it's plain to see.
Xbox, Xbox,
will you marry me?
--Kenn Nesbitt


Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Officially Maidless

I am FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! You don't know how relief I am right now. It feels like a huge stone lifted from my shoulder. We are officially maidless. No maid rules. No more cursing no more heartache.

I became incredible hulk the other day. I have the rights to get angry after so many times I talked to her in soft spoken tone and 'baik-baik'. I couldn't stand it anymore. I am too pissed and furious! When it came to my children, I can't tolerate.

So I called the agent and asked him to take her back on the day. Even if the agent offered us a replacement, we do not need. I don't want to go through all of the process again. All I can say, she doesn't respect us as her employer even though we treat her nice. Enough is enough I said.

P/S: We are just the unlucky one.

Tuesday, 25 February 2014

Every Child Is Different

I do know every child is different even though they were in the same tummy for approximately 280 days. They have different personalities, have different strength and vulnerabilities; and they need different kind of attention.

What works for my kiddo doesn't mean it work for my baby girl. I have always tried my best to adapt and be flexible with all my children. I know I am not alone in this. Parenting is hard work.

My boy is now 10 years old and this year we had a little bit of difficulties with his school work. I tell you, the education system is keep on changing. It is getting harder and there are more subjects too. Which means more homework. As parents, we need to be more knowledgeable than our kids. The problem is, I left school for almost 16 years! Some things I forgot already. *sigh* There were so many difference in the education, syllabus and learning nowadays.

My girl, she's going to be 2 years in 3 months. She's cheeky, dramatic attention seeker and a very helpful daughter. She now knows that she has a little sister and loves her a lot. She still sleeps in between me and Mr. Fruitheart while her baby sister sleeps in her cot. She has improved a lot in her vocabulary and understand what we said. I can see that she has a very high determination and will do whatever it takes to achieve what she wants. I would say she is learning early to be independent.

My baby girl, what can I say.. it is still early to say much about her. She is 3 months old now and loves to suck her chubby fingers despite being given a pacifier. She has a 'drumstick' thigh too. I do know how much her weigh now. We are still waiting for her to roll over. It would be a precious moment seeing her first development in everything. A moment we don't want to miss in our children's development milestone.

Whatever it is, I hope and pray for my children to be a good person when they grow up. I also hope they will have a good life, career and never forget their parents.

P/S: Will always love them. - Syahmie, Arissa and Rania.

Monday, 24 February 2014

Maybe It's Time To Explode

It has been nearly 4 months since the helper stayed with us. Honestly, I regret taking her. Totally. I thought it would solved our issue on who's going to take care of our daughters when we are at work. Turns out, we had unnecessary stress with this helper.

I am so angry this morning when my MIL told Mr. Fruitheart that my girls milk powder almost empty. She said she had reminded the helper to bring some on Monday. And SHE FORGETS! And we had to trouble my FIL to buy the milk. I know it's our job to check FOR EVERYTHING and NOT TO RELY 100% on her, but what's the USE OF HAVING A HELPER WHEN SHE ALSO FORGETS?!

It is not only we had to deal with her forgetfulness. She doesn't know how to do house chores in proper. Too noisy! After so many times telling her how to hang the clothes, she still do as she likes. Yes, I know some of you would say.. if you complaint too much you do yourself la. If it is not because of my children, she wouldn't be here in Malaysia working! Arghhhhhhhhhh...

I am so angry and pissed at myself until I cry. I wish she would run away and never came back. I wish I had NOT chose her at all. I wish we never take her at the first place. Ahh.. so many wishes that is not making any difference now. I want October to come fast so I can send my resignation letter. Why wait? You can just quit now Fara.

P/S: Letting go and let the anger out.

Thursday, 20 February 2014

Favourite Quote of The Week #8 - Parenthood

“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”
Bill Cosby

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Confessions of a Mom

This is the first time I made a confession as a mother. After having 3 children, people love to say this to me.. you have so much experience with being a mom. Really? Do you think so? I have a 10 year old boy, 21 month old girl and a 3 months old baby which have their own way of testing my patience.

I am still learning. Parenthood will be forever a learning phase even until your children have their own children.

To be honest, as a working mom I feel GUILTY about a lot of things that goes in my life. There was one time, I cried while having shower! I don't remember what was it about, but it has something to do with tiredness and screaming kids and the husband.

I wish I am more of a relaxed and don't care much if the cups are building up in the sink kind of mother. But no I couldn't do that. It pisses me off if someone took something and never put it back at the same place. I will have eyesore and complaint non-stop.

The only thing I look forward to most days is going to sleep. Most of the time, I focused so much time taking care of my children that I forgot to take care of MYSELF.

I don't like asking for help much, even to my own husband. I just wish everyone know what to do without being told. No one likes being told what to do all the time.

I always ask them to watch TV so I can have quiet time or I can do other stuff. I do yell sometimes and I hate that. My son even told me not to be angry at him just before he asked me questions. I feel I am terrible mother.

I constantly feel guilty that I can’t give my son 100% attention anymore. I wish I wouldn't be so hard on him too. I feel guilty I can't even give equal attention to everyone including myself.

At this young age, I had really had issues with remembering things. I do not know if I need a bigger RAM in my head. The one thing I hate is when I forget my children's stuff. Be it their clothes or food. I would be mad at myself and that's it, the whole day ruined.

There's one time I don't feel mature enough to be a mother. It's like there's this one kid trapped inside of me wanting to get out. I want to be a kid again.

It is hard if you are working or staying at home mom. You will always have the guilt and it will come from all angles. I need to stay sane and strong. I know I tried so hard to be a good wife and mom. I wish I could be a little more carefree and be happy by living in the moment.

Image credit to

Thursday, 13 February 2014

Struggling with Bullying

It happened again.

The first time when it happened, he was 7 years old. My son, is being bullied in school. I am so sad, angry and frustrated. I wish I was there when the tragedy happened. His money was taken from him, by another big fat bully! Just because he has big figure he can easily bully other students who are smaller than him. My son was unwell when it happened. He was asked to sit on the sofa near the corridor where normally they put unwell students.

At first we didn't know but when he told us he was hungry I would ask him what he bought during recess. He spent about RM3 to buy food and drink. So there would be another RM5 for him to spent during co-curriculum in the afternoon.

When it was time for a break, he said his wallet is empty. I asked him again, how come it is empty? Where did all his money gone? He kept quiet. Knowing my son, he's the type who is afraid to talk to us what actually happen until we pushed him to us tell the truth.

He told us a boy took his wallet from his pocket when he sat on the sofa. We asked him why didn't he stopped the boy. He kept quiet again. We asked him again and again. Did he recognised the boy. How he looked like. Did he said anything else. He said he couldn't remember and do not know the boy. Mr. Fruitheart got angry and said if he catch that boy he would punch him. Gulp!

So this morning we went to see the teacher and told her about it. She was not surprised as there were few cases as well and it happened every year. There will always be a student who is being bullied by other students. She thanked us for reporting the matter and will look into the issue. Yes, she said it is serious. Of course. I do not want it to happen again and I do not want my son to be afraid to go to school.

It was only yesterday I tweeted about this bully case where I read in the Star, a boy killed himself because he was being bullied in school. The boy was only 13 years old! :( There was another case also, a boy cut his wrist because a friend cut the back of his hair. Sheesh!

I know this bully will be anywhere and everywhere. Not just in school, in the neighbourhood and even in the office. As much as I hate it, it happened to my son. Bullying is a serious act that can scar people for life. True!

Image credit to

P/S: I pray hard for my children safety no matter where they are and hope nothing bad happen to them when I am not around.

Favourite Quote of The Week #7 - Children

“Children are great imitators. So give them something great to imitate.” - Anonymous

Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Remembering Those Days In Labour

My baby girl soon going to be 3 months old. I still remember the first time she was placed on my chest. She was white! And she was crying with her eyes closed. Again, love at the first sight.

You know how many times a woman fell in love at first sight? 3! Because I have 3 babies. Hehe.

To date I have to admit that I am still learning to embrace this change in my body. After 3 pregnancies, I am from XS to M. I even wore an L size shirt! Every time I looked or touched my c-sect scar, I visualised how beautiful my daughter's smile. Yes, she has the most beautiful smile a baby could have.

Doctor told me it would be around 6 weeks to recover. Frankly speaking, I am still recovering from this psychological impact of it. No, the doctor didn't tell me that. There's one time I felt so helpless and stressed out as if I were suffering from postpartum depression.

Yes, it takes time for the hormones to stabilised. Always, blame the hormone.

P/S: Whatever are the complaints, rants and rave.. I thank God that I can still take care my children with the best I can. Always try to be a better mother everyday. I am forever learning.

Tuesday, 11 February 2014

Simple Potato Gratin

Just before I deliver my baby girl last year, I had kept this recipe in my notes. I managed to make it on last weekend and it turned out well. Mr. Fruitheart said "Passed." Happy me.

He even told me I need to get a suitable tableware. I used what I had in the kitchen of course, the Ikea bowl. Because that is the only tableware that can be put in the microwave oven we have. I should asked Mr. Fruitheart for an oven as my birthday gift. What da ya think? Yay or nay?

I put a lot of cheese on top. The smell oh I tell you, delicious and the taste of course cheesy and creamy! Above is before it went to the microwave oven. At 150'C for 60 minutes. If it is in the oven the baking time is less than that, around 15-20 minutes.

After. Tadaaaaaaaaaaa!

Recipe is from Nigella Lawson.

4 1/2 pounds all-purpose potatoes
2 cups whole milk
2 cups heavy cream
1 onion, peeled
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tablespoon salt
Approximately 1/4 cup unsalted butter (I skipped because do not have butter)

1. Preheat the oven to 500 degrees F.

2. Peel the potatoes and cut them into slices, neither especially thin nor especially thick (approximately 1/2-inch) and put them into a large saucepan with the milk, cream, onion, minced garlic and salt.

3.Bring to the boil and cook at a robust simmer or gentle boil (however you like to think of it) until verging on tender, but not dissolving into mush.

4. Use some of the butter to grease a large roasting pan (15 by 12-inches) and then pour the almost sludgy milk and potato mixture into it. Dot with remaining butter and cook in the oven for 15 minutes or until the potato is bubbly and browned on top. Remove, let stand for 10 to 20 minutes and then serve.

I wanted to make my own meatballs, but I do not have the TIME to do it. You know how it is with 3 kids.. especially a 2 year old toddler and 2 months old baby. It feels like you have 10 person in the house. Phew! So I bought the meatballs which already packed from Giant. Mr. Fruitheart helped me to fry it and it's not a surprised when there's none left.

P/S: I should do this twice a week and asked my MIL to help bake it because she has the big oven. Hehe.

Monday, 10 February 2014

TAWC - Back to Cooking

You know how fast my weekend go? Left the office Friday evening, one blink of the eye and here I am in the office again. Pfftt! That was what happened when your weekend schedule is full of activities. And I had started back my once/twice a week cooking.

This week I cooked chicken tomyam (3 packs), beef paprik (2 packs) and chicken vandiloo (4 packs). No veggies which I know it's not a complete meal. I can buy some from the shop during lunch time. Oh.. I forgot to take pictures when I cooked using my new 'pemanggang ajaib Are-Ikan' which I bought a month ago. I cooked rendang for 20 minutes. Bravo!

Chicken tomyam
Beef paprik

Chicken vandiloo

All the meals I cooked is enough for about 2 weeks. Yay me! In case Mr. Fruitheart, kiddo and girl are bored with my cooking.. we can eat at my MIL's or Warung Cherry (near our house). Hehe.

P/S: Yes I am tired cooking all at once but I enjoy it.

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Sleepless in KL

I do not know how many times I yawned this morning. It was not even half of the day. I'm tired. Baby girl woke me up at 4.30am and she started smiling and talking. I know by the time I'm ready for work, she will fall asleep. And her excitement sounds woke up her big sister. Double the noise left and right.

I'm losing my sleep over kids and work.

On our way to work, oh we drove to work today. Normally we took the LRT train to avoid stuck in traffic for hours. But my understanding husband decided to drive so his wife can have a nap. Hehe. I told him, I know why baby girl woke up early. So I can spend time with her. If I count it correctly, we only spent time with our children 4 hours a day. It's not enough. There's no quality time when both of us are tired and in our mind we think about how comfy our bed and nice to be in lala land.

He agreed on that. So I must not complain huh? Hehe. Enjoy your sleepless nights Fara, you'll miss it when your kids all grown up. Because that's what kiddo told me last night before he went to sleep.. "Mama, when I'm 12 you don't have to wait for me to go to bed. I'll sleep by myself because I am a big boy."


P/S: They grow up so fast when we are busy with other things.