Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Confessions of a Mom

This is the first time I made a confession as a mother. After having 3 children, people love to say this to me.. you have so much experience with being a mom. Really? Do you think so? I have a 10 year old boy, 21 month old girl and a 3 months old baby which have their own way of testing my patience.

I am still learning. Parenthood will be forever a learning phase even until your children have their own children.

To be honest, as a working mom I feel GUILTY about a lot of things that goes in my life. There was one time, I cried while having shower! I don't remember what was it about, but it has something to do with tiredness and screaming kids and the husband.

I wish I am more of a relaxed and don't care much if the cups are building up in the sink kind of mother. But no I couldn't do that. It pisses me off if someone took something and never put it back at the same place. I will have eyesore and complaint non-stop.

The only thing I look forward to most days is going to sleep. Most of the time, I focused so much time taking care of my children that I forgot to take care of MYSELF.

I don't like asking for help much, even to my own husband. I just wish everyone know what to do without being told. No one likes being told what to do all the time.

I always ask them to watch TV so I can have quiet time or I can do other stuff. I do yell sometimes and I hate that. My son even told me not to be angry at him just before he asked me questions. I feel I am terrible mother.

I constantly feel guilty that I can’t give my son 100% attention anymore. I wish I wouldn't be so hard on him too. I feel guilty I can't even give equal attention to everyone including myself.

At this young age, I had really had issues with remembering things. I do not know if I need a bigger RAM in my head. The one thing I hate is when I forget my children's stuff. Be it their clothes or food. I would be mad at myself and that's it, the whole day ruined.

There's one time I don't feel mature enough to be a mother. It's like there's this one kid trapped inside of me wanting to get out. I want to be a kid again.

It is hard if you are working or staying at home mom. You will always have the guilt and it will come from all angles. I need to stay sane and strong. I know I tried so hard to be a good wife and mom. I wish I could be a little more carefree and be happy by living in the moment.

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